The Roots of Emotional Instability

Whether it's losing your temper suddenly, experiencing persistent anxiety throughout the day, or having uncontrollable crying episodes that seem endless... When emotions overwhelm us in this way, it can be challenging to know how to respond.

You might wonder why everyone else seems to maintain their composure effortlessly. It seems natural to them. You may feel like you experience emotions more intensely than those around you. 

And perhaps you do. It's undeniable that some individuals are naturally more emotionally sensitive than others.

However, more often than not, our past and upbringing also play a significant role. As children, we learn to regulate our emotions from the adults around us. This process begins in an environment where it's safe to express our feelings and where our emotions are acknowledged. If we aren't taught or shown this, we may develop unhealthy coping mechanisms. Some individuals might "shut down" or dissociate when overwhelmed, while others might turn to alcohol, drugs, food, or sex to numb their emotions.

Emotions—both "positive" and "negative"—are an inherent part of being human. They serve an essential purpose, even if they can be painful and difficult. For instance, without "negative" emotions, we would struggle to understand our boundaries, how to protect ourselves, and what makes us happy or sad, etc. 

Therefore, being emotionally healthy isn't about eliminating negative emotions. Rather, it's about being able to experience the full range of emotions, knowing that the challenging ones will pass, just as the pleasant ones will.

Struggling to Manage Emotions and Crying – What’s Happening?

Crying is a completely normal and healthy way to express sadness. It can be beneficial both physically and mentally. Have you ever noticed the calm that follows a good cry? You can thank your tears for that. When we cry due to sadness, our tears help eliminate stress hormones like cortisol and other toxins, providing us with a sense of tranquility.

However, if your crying feels uncontrollable and you find yourself crying frequently, it might indicate depression. Consider contacting your GP or a private therapist if these feelings persist over a long period.

Managing Emotions in a Healthy Way

The first step towards better emotional health is enhancing our mindfulness of emotions. Emotions are termed “feelings” because they are experienced in the body, and we can start developing mindfulness around these sensations. A Body Scan meditation is one practice that can assist us in this. The more we connect with our body and emotions, the more we understand that feelings are like waves: they come, peak, and then pass. Our goal is to learn how to sit with them.

It can also be beneficial to label our emotions. Research shows that this practice immediately reduces the intensity of the emotion, decreasing feelings of distress. To do this, we can search for clues about what emotion we’re experiencing and ask questions like: 

What triggered the feeling? 

What thoughts are accompanying the feeling?

How is my body reacting?

What impulses do I have?

These questions can help us understand what we’re feeling. Then, we can practice labeling the emotion, for example, “Here’s my anxiety… I’m feeling it in my stomach”. 

Once we comprehend the emotion we’re experiencing, we’re better prepared to take healthy steps towards self-care.

You can practice this by periodically checking in with yourself throughout the day. Tune into your body and ask, “What do I need at this moment?”

While these tips can guide you towards managing your emotions more healthily, if you’re struggling significantly, therapy is an excellent place to explore this. A therapist can help you discover new, healthier ways of existing in the world, making life feel less overwhelming.