Breaking Free From Unhealthy Patterns

Breakups can feel overwhelming, like you are caught in a storm where emotions are high and the way forward is unclear. Whether your relationship ended amicably or dramatically, moving on presents one of life's biggest challenges.

If you’ve recently gone through a breakup, remember that your feelings are valid mourning the end of a relationship is a process, just like grieving the loss of someone you love. By acknowledging and embracing your emotions, you can take steps toward healing and finding hope for the future.

In this post, we will explore the five stages of grief related to breakups, along with practical insights to help you navigate this tough time.

Understanding the Grieving Process

A breakup represents a significant loss. You are not just letting go of a partner but also of shared dreams, plans, and aspirations. This emotional journey ranges from hurt and anger to sadness and emptiness.

1. Denial

“It can’t be over; we’ll get back together.”

This thought is common during a breakup. You might find yourself checking your phone for their message or dreaming about an unexpected reunion.

It's important to understand that denial is a natural first response. While it can offer temporary comfort, facing the reality of your situation is essential.

Try limiting contact—at least for a while—to help you adjust to your new reality. Cutting ties can speed up the healing process. Ceasing contact with an ex leads to quicker emotional recovery and improved future relationships.

2. Anger

“How could they do this to me?”

Anger often surfaces during a breakup. It's completely normal to feel this way, whether you're angry at your ex or yourself. Reflecting on moments of betrayal can amplify these feelings.

Directing that anger constructively is crucial. Instead of letting rage consume you, consider engaging in physical activities like jogging or practising yoga. Painting or journaling can also serve as powerful outlets for your emotions.

3. Bargaining

“If only I had done things differently…”

In the bargaining phase, you might find yourself revisiting decisions made in the past. You may hope for a second chance, promising that things will be different.

Recognise that this phase does not lead to actual change and can keep you trapped in a cycle of wishing for the past. Instead, shift your focus toward acceptance and consider what you want your future to look like.

Creating a checklist of personal goals can help refocus your energy. For instance, aim to read five books in a month or take up a new hobby like gardening. Each step forward can foster a feeling of accomplishment.

4. Depression

“I just feel so empty inside.”

As reality sets in, overwhelming sadness and despair may take over. This stage can be especially difficult, involving feelings of loss and disconnection from friends and activities you once enjoyed.

Allow yourself to feel this sadness, but remember that help is available. Reach out to supportive friends or consider talking to a therapist. Sharing your feelings can offer relief and help you process your emotions.

Incorporating self-care practices is vital during this time. Whether taking a long walk in the park, enjoying a bubble bath, or diving into a beloved book, these simple activities can lift your spirits.

5. Acceptance

“I’m learning to live without them.”

Acceptance signifies that you are beginning to come to terms with your new reality. It does not mean you are okay with the breakup, but you are learning to live with it.

Reflecting on lessons from your relationship can help you grow and cultivate healthier future relationships. For instance, if communication was a challenge, consider how you might approach conversations differently next time.

Creating a vision board can also be a powerful tool. Visually mapping out your goals and dreams, you reinforce what you want for your life moving forward.

Finding Hope for the Future

While navigating a breakup can be difficult, it also offers opportunities for personal growth and rediscovery. Healing is not a linear process, and everyone experiences it differently.

Celebrate the steps you’ve taken to heal. Engage in activities that bring you joy and seek positive relationships. Surrounding yourself with supportive friends can be crucial.

It is natural to experience a spectrum of emotions during the grieving process. Allow yourself the time necessary to navigate this journey. When you feel ready, remain open to new opportunities and relationships, as every conclusion can pave the way for new beginnings.

Hypnotherapy

Hypnotherapy is a powerful tool for change and can help us understand why we feel and behave the way we do and support us to develop new ways of thinking. Cognitive Hypnotherapy can be beneficial for clients who want to release negative or limiting beliefs by identifying the triggers that started. We do this using one or more of a variety of techniques that are tailored to your specific issue and best suited to help eliminate stress triggers The integration of hypnotherapy is more effective than using NLP alone. The self-awareness that the integrative approach offers renders it a highly successful way to quickly eliminate negative thoughts, emotions and limiting beliefs allowing you to generate a more positive future, improve self-image and increase determination.

Breaking free from unhealthy attachment patterns

Understanding your attachment style can be a game-changer when it comes to relationships. But recognising your patterns is one thing—figuring out how to change them is another. If you’ve ever found yourself stuck in cycles of anxiety, avoidance, or emotional rollercoasters, therapy could be the missing piece in learning how to navigate relationships in a healthier way.

What is an attachment style, and why does it matter?

Our attachment styles are shaped by early experiences, particularly the way our caregivers respond to our needs. These early interactions create a kind of blueprint for how we relate to others as adults.

The four main attachment styles are:

• Secure attachment – You feel comfortable with intimacy and independence, forming balanced, healthy relationships.

• Anxious attachment – You crave closeness but fear abandonment, often seeking constant reassurance.

• Avoidant attachment – You value independence so much that you may struggle with emotional closeness and vulnerability.

• Disorganised attachment – You experience a mix of anxious and avoidant behaviours, often as a result of inconsistent or traumatic early relationships.

If your attachment style has been causing challenges in your relationships, therapy can help you break free from old patterns and build a sense of emotional security from within.

How therapy can help you transform your attachment style

It’s one thing to know you have an anxious or avoidant attachment style; it’s another to change the way it plays out in your relationships.

So, what can therapy actually do for you?

1. Spotting and interrupting unhealthy patterns - One of the biggest challenges with attachment styles is that they tend to play out automatically. You might find yourself overthinking texts, shutting down emotionally, or feeling on edge in relationships without even realising why. Therapy helps bring awareness to these patterns so you can make conscious choices rather than operating on autopilot.

2. Learning how to self-soothe - If you have an anxious attachment style, you may rely heavily on external reassurance to feel safe in relationships. If you’re avoidant, you might suppress emotions to protect yourself from getting hurt. Therapy can teach you how to regulate your emotions in a healthier way, so you’re not at the mercy of old coping mechanisms.

3. Healing past wounds - Much of our attachment behaviour is rooted in early experiences. Therapy provides a safe space to process past hurts and develop a new, healthier way of relating to yourself and others.

4. Practising secure attachment behaviours - Even if you didn’t grow up with a secure attachment style, the good news is that you can learn secure attachment behaviours.

Therapy can help you:

• Set and maintain boundaries without guilt.

• Communicate your needs with confidence.

• Develop trust in yourself and others.

• Build relationships that feel safe and balanced.

What you can start doing today

While therapy is a powerful tool, there are also things you can do right now to start shifting your attachment patterns:

• Pause before reacting – When emotions flare up, take a moment to ask yourself: “Am I responding to the present situation or an old fear?”

• Challenge negative thoughts – If your brain is telling you that someone is going to leave or that you can’t trust anyone, question that assumption.

• Practise self-soothing techniques – Deep breathing, journaling, and mindfulness can help regulate emotions.

• Surround yourself with healthy relationships – Spend time with people who respect your boundaries and communicate openly.

You are not your attachment style

It’s easy to feel like your attachment style defines you, but it doesn’t. It’s simply a pattern you learned—one that can be unlearned with time, effort, and the right support. Therapy can help you move from insecure attachment to secure, creating stronger, healthier connections along the way.