Harnessing the Power of Anger: Transforming a Misunderstood Emotion into Positive Change

Everyone experiences anger occasionally; it is a normal, powerful, and universal human emotion. Despite being complex and often misunderstood, anger is typically viewed as negative and destructive. Children who frequently become angry are advised to 'control their temper.' Adults who lose their temper often feel embarrassed afterwards.

However, anger possesses both positive and negative aspects, and it is not an emotion we should attempt to remove from our psyche. In fact, doing so could be harmful, as unexpressed anger may manifest in more damaging ways. Here are some strategies for working with anger, rather than fighting against it. 

Anger Vs aggression

Firstly, it's crucial to distinguish between anger and aggression, as they are often confused but are not the same. Anger is a hostile emotion that typically arises when we feel threatened, disrespected, or powerless in some way, such as being criticised or when a careless driver cuts us off.

Anger is often accompanied by physical signs like hunched shoulders, clenched jaws, and a rapid heartbeat. When we express anger, we might shout, curse, use sarcasm, slam doors, or throw objects. However, anger can also be directed inward, leading to physical issues like digestive problems, self-harm, or anxiety. 

Aggression on the other hand is an intentional behaviour that plays a much stronger role in destructive actions such as physical violence, bullying, or coercive control. Anger usually flares up and subsides quickly, but aggression is premeditated and more often results in long-term harm. 

When anger can be useful

Anger has evolved as a way to alert ourselves and others to strong feelings. Sometimes, this can be a useful way of avoiding danger (such as yelling at a child who runs out into the road) or to right a moral injustice such as racism or sexism. It can also help us to recognise when our own needs are being disrespected or threatened.

Learning to use anger appropriately

As we have seen, anger can be useful, and infrequent and moderate outbursts are nothing to worry about. However, if you find that your anger is becoming regular and intense, it can damage relationships with family and friends, and count against you in professional situations. This kind of anger is also more likely to evolve into aggressive behaviours.

Suppressing angry feelings isn’t the answer, because the emotion doesn't dissipate, it festers into passive aggression, chronic stress, anxiety or burnout. Therefore the key is to learn how to deal with your anger in a positive way.

Recognise your triggers

Notice if certain situations or people tend to spark off uncontrollable anger in you. It may not be possible to eliminate these from your life, but it can help you to become more mentally prepared to step away and calm yourself down before reacting. 

For example, if you know that you are more likely to blow up when you get home from work feeling tired and hungry, tell your family to leave you alone for the first 20 minutes or so while you unwind and have a snack. 

Develop grounding techniques 

When you first notice the first signs of a red mist descending, take action rather than allowing it to engulf you. This could be taking a few deep breaths, physically removing yourself from the trigger, using visualisation techniques, or slowly repeating a mantra such as ‘let it go’ as you take slow measured breaths. 

Look for a solution

Anger can often be alleviated through a deeper or more rational understanding of a situation. Seek a logical and manageable solution to the issue instead of merely reacting with anger. 

Express your feelings when you are calmer

There might be valid reasons for feeling angry, so it's not always appropriate to simply ignore it. Instead, once you have had time for logical reflection, express your feelings in a calm yet assertive manner. Use 'I' statements and refrain from assigning blame. 

Anger with more complex drivers

Everyone experiences anger, but sometimes its underlying causes are more challenging to understand. These may stem from a dysfunctional childhood environment or result from past traumas or betrayals. If you're struggling to manage your anger on your own, or if it feels uncontrollable, seeking professional help might be beneficial.