The Judgments We All Make

We often make judgments about others or situations without pausing to explore the emotions beneath those thoughts. Emotions such as fear, anger, sadness, and disgust frequently drive these judgments. Becoming aware of these feelings can transform how we relate to others and ourselves. This awareness helps us respond more thoughtfully, rather than reacting impulsively or defensively.

Why Emotions Matter in Our Judgments

Emotions are not right or wrong; they simply exist as natural responses to our experiences. When we learn to name our emotions, feel them in our bodies, and listen to what they tell us, we gain valuable insight. This process allows us to think through our feelings and use them in ways that align with our values and long-term goals.

For example, if you feel anger during a disagreement, recognizing that anger can help you pause and ask what is really bothering you. Maybe it’s a fear of being misunderstood or a sadness about feeling disconnected. Naming these emotions can prevent the anger from turning into harsh judgments or hurtful words.

How Emotional Awareness Supports Relationships

Nothing strengthens a relationship more than when both people value emotional awareness. When each person takes responsibility for their feelings and reactions, it creates space for honest conversations. Instead of blaming or shutting down, partners can share their emotions and work toward understanding.

Imagine a couple facing a conflict. If both partners can say, “I feel hurt because I need more support,” rather than “You never help me,” the conversation shifts from accusation to connection. This shift opens the door to finding common ground and resolving conflicts in a way that respects both people’s feelings.

Judgments as Defenses on the Change Triangle

The Change Triangle is a tool that helps explain how defenses and emotions interact in our minds and bodies. Judgments often act as defenses. They block the uncomfortable emotions that arise when we face differences or challenges.

For instance, if someone judges a friend for being late, that judgment might be a defense against feelings of frustration or disappointment. The judgment protects the person from fully experiencing those emotions, which can feel vulnerable or painful.

Understanding this can help us pause before reacting with judgment. Instead, we can ask ourselves what emotions are underneath and how we might address those feelings directly.

Practical Steps to Build Emotional Awareness

Building emotional awareness takes practice but offers lasting benefits for relationships and personal growth. Here are some steps to get started:

• Name your emotions: Use specific words like “anxious,” “disappointed,” or “resentful” instead of vague terms like “bad” or “upset.”

• Notice physical sensations: Pay attention to how emotions feel in your body, such as tightness in the chest or tension in the shoulders.

• Pause before reacting: When you feel a strong judgment, take a moment to breathe and reflect on what emotion might be driving it.

• Share your feelings: Practice expressing your emotions honestly and respectfully with others.

• Listen to others’ emotions: When someone shares their feelings, try to understand without immediately judging or defending.

  
  

Examples of Emotional Awareness in Action

Consider a workplace scenario where a team member misses a deadline. Instead of immediately judging them as careless, a manager who practices emotional awareness might recognize feelings of frustration and curiosity. They could say, “I’m feeling frustrated because the deadline was important. Can you help me understand what happened?”

This approach invites dialogue and problem-solving rather than blame. It also models emotional awareness for the whole team.

In personal relationships, a friend might snap during a conversation. Instead of reacting with judgment, you might notice your own feelings of hurt and ask, “Are you okay? You seem upset.” This can lead to a deeper conversation and mutual support.

The Long-Term Benefits of Emotional Awareness

Developing emotional awareness helps us build stronger, more resilient relationships. It reduces misunderstandings and conflicts by encouraging openness and empathy. When we understand our own emotions and those of others, we can respond in ways that support connection rather than division.

This skill also supports personal well-being. Being in touch with our emotions helps us manage stress, make better decisions, and live in alignment with what matters most to us.