Healing from Emotional Abuse and Psychological Abuse

Is emotional abuse the same as psychological abuse

There is a significant distinction between emotional and psychological abuse. Some studies indicate that there are minor differences between them. Emotional abuse is generally seen as more encompassing, with psychological abuse often regarded as a subset of emotional abuse. Furthermore, psychological abuse includes using verbal and social strategies to manipulate someone’s thoughts, like "gaslighting," which may differ from other types of emotional abuse.

What is emotional and psychological abuse

Abuse can take many forms, and even in the absence of physical violence, harmful language can significantly impact you and your children. Emotional and psychological abuse primarily involves non-physical behaviors that an abuser uses to exert control, isolate, or intimidate you. Often, these tactics are employed to undermine your self-esteem and self-worth, fostering a psychological dependency on the abuser.

However, recognizing emotional and psychological abuse can be challenging because it often permeates everyday interactions. In physical abuse, there are usually distinct incidents or clear physical evidence to identify.

What are the signs of emotional and psychological abuse

Emotional and psychological abuse can begin suddenly or gradually enter the relationship. Some abusers may start behaving like a good partner, only to start their abusive behavior once the relationship has become established. This shift in behavior can leave you feeling shocked, confused, and even embarrassed. It's important to understand that the abuse is never your fault, regardless of what the abuser may say or if friends or family blame you for "allowing" it to happen.

Recognizing whether certain behaviors are emotionally or psychologically abusive can be challenging, especially if you grew up witnessing abuse. However, like all forms of domestic violence, these behaviors are intended to gain and maintain power and control over you. Some signs that your partner may be emotionally and psychologically abusive include:

Constant Criticism: If your partner frequently belittles you, dismisses your opinions, or criticizes your choices, it can erode your self-esteem and make you doubt your worth. This kind of behavior is not constructive and can lead to feelings of inadequacy.

Manipulation: Emotional abusers often use manipulation tactics to control their victims. This could include guilt-tripping you into doing things or gaslighting, where they make you question your own reality or sanity.

Withholding Affection: If affection and emotional support are used as tools for control, it can create a toxic environment. Withholding love or approval as a means of punishment can be a clear indicator of emotional abuse.

Isolation: An emotionally abusive partner may try to isolate you from friends and family, making it difficult for you to seek support or perspective from others. This isolation can increase your dependency on them and make it harder to recognize the abuse.

Excessive Jealousy: While a certain level of jealousy can be normal in relationships, excessive jealousy can indicate possessiveness and control. If your partner constantly questions your loyalty or monitors your activities, it can be a sign of emotional abuse.

Emotional Outbursts: If your partner has unpredictable emotional outbursts that leave you feeling scared or anxious, this volatility can create a toxic atmosphere where you feel you must walk on eggshells.

It is important to keep in mind that even if your partner only exhibits a handful of these behaviors, you are still in an emotionally abusive relationship. The cumulative effect of these actions can be damaging, and it is vital not to minimize what you are experiencing. Do not fall into the trap of telling yourself "it's not that bad" or rationalizing their behavior as something that will improve over time. Such rationalizations can prevent you from recognizing the seriousness of the situation and can lead to further emotional harm.

Have Unrealistic Expectations

Emotionally abusive people display unrealistic expectations. Some examples include:

• Making unreasonable demands of you

• Making unreasonable demands of you

• Expecting you to put everything aside and meet their needs

• Demanding you spend all of your time together

• Being dissatisfied no matter how hard you try or how much you give

• Criticizing you for not completing tasks according to their standards

• Expecting you to share their opinions (i.e., you are not permitted to have a different opinion)

• Demanding that you name exact dates and times when discussing things that upset you (and when you cannot do this, they may dismiss the event as if it never happened)

​Invalidate

Emotionally abusive people invalidate you. Some examples include:

• Undermining, dismissing, or distorting your perceptions or your reality

• Refusing to accept your feelings by trying to define how you should feel

• Requiring you to explain how you feel over and over

• Accusing you of being "too sensitive," "too emotional," or "crazy"

• Refusing to acknowledge or accept your opinions or ideas as valid

• Dismissing your requests, wants, and needs as ridiculous or unmerited

• Suggesting that your perceptions are wrong or that you cannot be trusted by saying things like "you're blowing this out of proportion" or "you exaggerate"

• Accusing you of being selfish, needy, or materialistic if you express your wants or needs (the expectation is that you should not have any wants or needs)

​Create Chaos

Emotionally abusive people create chaos. Some examples include:

• Starting arguments for the sake of arguing

• Making confusing and contradictory statements (sometimes called "crazy-making")

• Having drastic mood changes or sudden emotional outbursts

• Nitpicking at your clothes, your hair, your work, and more

• Behaving so erratically and unpredictably that you feel like you are "walking on eggshells"

Control and Isolate

​Emotionally abusive people attempt to isolate and control you. Some examples include:2

• Controlling who you see or spend time with including friends and family

• Monitoring you digitally including text messages, social media, and email

• Accusing you of cheating and being jealous of outside relationships

• Taking or hiding your car keys

• Demanding to know where you are at all times or using GPS to track your every move

• Treating you like possession or property

• Criticizing or making fun of your friends, family, and co-workers

• Using jealousy and envy as a sign of love and to keep you from being with others

• Coercing you into spending all of your time together

• Controlling the finances

Coping With Emotional Abuse

These are some strategies that can help you if you are or have been in an abusive situation:

• Seek help and support: Victims of abuse are often too scared or ashamed to tell others about the abuse. However, it’s important to reach out to a friend, family member, therapist, or organization that can offer help, support, or protection.

• Write down your experiences: Abusers often gaslight their victims and make them doubt their reality. It can be helpful to write down your version of events so you have a record of what happened.

• Don’t blame yourself: You may blame yourself for what happened to you or think that you did something to cause it or deserve it, but you need to remember that if someone has abused you, it’s their fault and not yours. Remind yourself of this fact over and over again if you need to.

• Refuse to engage your abuser: If you are in a situation where you need to interact with your abuser, step back and refuse to engage with them on any level.

• Recognize unhealthy patterns: If you have grown up in an abusive home or been in an abusive relationship, emotionally abusive behaviours may seem normal to you and you may seek them out or perpetuate them in other relationships. It’s important to break the cycle by recognizing unhealthy patterns and working toward healthier relationships with mutual trust, respect, affection, and independent agency.

Remember: Everyone deserves to be treated with kindness, respect, and dignity in their relationships. If you find that your interactions consistently leave you feeling wounded, frustrated, confused, misunderstood, depressed, anxious, or worthless, it is crucial to acknowledge these feelings. Chances are high that your relationship is emotionally abusive, and recognizing this is the first step toward seeking help and reclaiming your sense of self-worth.

Ultimately, understanding the signs of emotional abuse is essential for your well-being. If you suspect that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, consider reaching out to a trusted mental health professional who can provide support and guidance. Taking this step can be empowering and may help you gain clarity about your situation and the necessary steps to take moving forward.

Therapy and Trauma

Hypnotherapy for trauma is caring, gentle, and supportive. It's important to acknowledge that the events and experiences leading you here might still feel quite recent. Trauma Hypnotherapy works with you to remove and dispel negative and daunting messages. The approach to treatment will differ depending on the symptoms you are facing as a result of the trauma. It might include psychotherapy, self-care, or a combination of these methods. Treatments typically aim to assist individuals in processing their emotional reactions to trauma and tackling any subsequent mental health problems, including anxiety, depression, or PTSD.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) might also be employed to aid individuals in assessing thoughts and emotions linked to trauma, encouraging them to replace negative thinking with more realistic perspectives.

Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) is another method that incorporates aspects of CBT along with eye or body movements.